Monday, August 29, 2011

Dallas does...This is the Year

Hello bloggernation, I've come crawling back to you again on my knees, asking for forgiveness.
More unforgivable than my habit of wearing leggings as pants is the complete lack of blogging I did about my summer experiences while they were happening.
Sometimes it feels like it was all too much. Too much to process while I was in it. Too much to even understand now as I sink into the routine of Iowa City.
Too much and yet not enough.
I don't know if I have enough memories to last me through a semester that is more stressful than I ever imagined a Senior year could be. Enough faith in everything I learned to stop me from taking the easy way out. Enough trust in the new understanding I have of myself to keep from making decisions that lead me down the same dusty, not-right-for-me roads.
I do know this: I'm a different person now. I carry myself differently. I find beauty in different pieces of my life.
And yet there's so many things I wish I'd more successfully left behind.
My anxiety about the future. My nagging perfectionism. My obsessive over-analyzing.
And my habit of leaving so many of my important thoughts trapped in my mind while I jabber day in and day out about the never-ending dramas of being a single, college-aged female.
For over a year I have loved this blog.
I have loved that it was my perfect medium for sharing my thoughts with the world, and letting people share in my lessons of love.
But I think maybe that love chapter needs to be put aside for now. Love is a subject of which I'm a perpetual student, but maybe writing about it and talking about it need to stop being my go-to methods of dealing with it.
How about living it?
Living it and leaving these pages for other lessons. Lessons of beauty and lessons of friendship. Lessons of self-worth and lessons of faith.
I can't begin to put into words what Colorado has done for me. But I think I owe it to myself to try to write about it. To move forward with more important discoveries than what bold move will be the final step in wooing the boy I like.
Love is something I've driven myself crazy trying to figure out. And all my countless conversations about it have just turned me into the sappy, confused mess I am today.
What I need to figure out is how to maintain that endless happiness I left Colorado with. And how to continue in my belief that life is beautiful no matter how imperfect it can get in day-to-day living.
So, from now on, the love doctor is out.
And these pages are for all of me. A discussion of my life as Kelsey Dallas, a senior at the University of Iowa, navigating the ridiculous world of a triple major, maintaining a semblance of a social life accompanied by mounds of homework.
So, here I am again, promising to use my words for good and not for evil. To move forward and not to stall on love's precepts that will all be changed by the right person, anyway.
I hope you enjoy this change of pace alongside me. And realize that a new outlook can be just the ticket to happily ever after.

Love, Kelsey

"Make Yourself Proud"