Monday, September 19, 2011

Dallas does...Silence Survivor.

It's been a week since the vow. Am I a changed person?
I've certainly still been facebooking like a fiend, texting like a twerp, and gabbing like a true gossip, but was there a lesson learned from those quiet hours?
I like to think so...but then again, I've always given myself the benefit of the doubt.
Because there's definitely doubt. I had moments of clarity within that day and a half (and with thousands of minutes to work with, that was definitely expected). But overall, I can't claim to have walked away with a lasting appreciation of the peace that silence brings.
I'd like to say that my lesson has been learned and that deactivating my Facebook and turning off my phone will be a common occurrence in my life.
But I can't.
Because that's not the real challenge.
Sure, when you separate yourself from your electronic communication outlets, you separate yourself from the power that others have to make you feel ignored or forgotten.
But then again, doesn't the real growth come from being able to leave yourself 'plugged-in' and learn to let go of that part of yourself that finds self-worth in notifications and new texts?
The real lesson I need to learn isn't one of silent stamina; it's one of communication confidence.
Smart phones and social media have opened up a whole new world of opportunities for telling the world about what matters to us. About fears and failures, successes and smiles. Painting a picture of our daily lives by the hour, or maybe even by the minute.
There's value in being unplugged, but maybe even more value in being plugged-in without losing the concrete, real-life aspects of who you are.
So here I am.
One week after the silence ended. Completely free to update my status far too many times in one day (Hey! I have important thoughts to share!) and text extensively about issues that could be much more easily solved in person.
And I'm already back to driving myself crazy waiting for contact from a particularly uncommunicative boy.
But a piece of me wants to believe that I am learning.
Slowly, but surely.
Somewhat struggling, but no longer silent.

Peace, love and party favors,

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