Saturday, August 28, 2010

Dallas does...Thought Delay.

So obviously blogging was pushed to the bottom of the to-do list throughout much of August. Big disappoint for myself and for you, my followers, I am sure. (Or I can pretend...)
But I like to think that it was less about getting caught-up in mundane tasks like counting the pairs of socks I needed to pack or arguing with my mom about whether or whether not Buddy Earl had to be neutered; No, I believe that a large part of why I took a blogging sabbatical is that I didn't want to skim through my mind for what I was really thinking about.
Because I know exactly what I was thinking about.
Summer's end.
And as ridiculous as all my fears about junior year seem now that I'm actually launched from the dock and smoothly sailing through fall, they definitely felt legitimate at the time.
In the transition from Lincoln life to my Iowa City world, it sometimes feels like I'm being sucked under the big waterfall in the River Rapids ride at Six Flags St. Louis. Like everything is spinning faster and faster and then I'm spit out on the other side soaking wet and expected to keep smiling and shrieking in excitement.
And just as it's always my decision to board the raft on that ride, it was my decision to go to school all alone 200 miles away from home.
So it's my fault that with the start of a new school year comes not only a huge rush of optimism, but also a waterfall's worth of anxiety.
But here I am, one week into my Iowa City life, and apartment living to boot, and, of course, I'm doing just fine. I've exited the ride and my clothes have had the chance to dry off in the sun for a while.
I'm not in a panic. I'm loving my life. And I've made peace with this whole 'growing up' thing again.
Of course I hate that I have to call my mom instead of sitting next to her on the couch while she plays her ridiculous alien computer games. And I hate that I can't bond with my dad over all the cool apartmenty things I've been doing. And that I spend far too much time worrying about Grandma.
But this is where I'm meant to be. I'm not supposed to let myself get stuck in some kind of transition limbo. I'm supposed to keep working CAB events and going to class and writing blogs and living my life.
Because I'm not going to find any sort of happiness sitting around thinking about what the future might hold. Happiness comes when I pick-up my soaking wet self off that River Rapids ride and move on to the log flume or the Screaming Eagle, maybe stopping for some cotton candy along the way.
And so literally and figuratively I've arrived in the mindset that will rule the next nine months of my life: Peace.
Peace with where I now find myself. Peace with what I left behind. And peace with the fact that there are many more waterfalls around the bend.

Your thought of the day from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert:
"There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? and Who's in charge? Everything else is somehow manageable. But these two questions of love and control undo us all, trip us up and cause war, grief and suffering."

Peace, love, and even more peace,

No comments:

Post a Comment