"It's time for you to fall back in love with yourself."
Saying these words to one of my friends tonight, even I wondered how, at 20 years of age, I have become a 5'8" version of a female self-help book.
All those cheesy messages from the countless romance novels, Cosmo magazines and rom-coms I have read, perused and viewed over the years seem to be lodged somewhere in my gigantic head and come hurling back into the universe via my mouth whenever one of my friends is going through a break-up or some other man-related drama.
And yes, most of the time I sound like Oprah on steroids. But in this instance, I happen to think I'm entirely correct. No, I don't want people to pull a Narcissus and stare at their own reflection for the next fifty-some odd years, but I do think that an important part of being a happy person means being genuinely pleased to get to be who you are each day of the week.
Part of being healthy enough to be in a relationship means that you are comfortable enough in your own skin to be able to open your heart to someone else without losing sight of your own hopes and dreams and fears and needs and favorite movies and not-so-secret love of Justin Bieber and penchant for Jane Austen novels and tennis obsession.
So that's why when life isn't turning out the way I've plotted in my mind, I try to spend as little time as possible sulking in the land of "Why me?!" and "This isn't fair!" and instead speed ahead into the land of self-love. Because when I do return to my favored path of love and adventure and excitement, I want to be able to know, wholly and truly, that I am someone to be aimed for, not someone to settle with. That I am someone who deserves to be cherished, for all of the silly little things that make me Kelsey and not Samantha or Louise or Betty.
The world needs more people who are so in love with themselves (in a healthy, non-Tom Cruise-like kind of way) that they won't let people seize their love and then run away with it. Who are prepared to fight for their own romance requirements on Pat Benatar's battlefield of love. (Please forgive me for getting all self-help up in here.)
The point I'm struggling to make...because I can't seem to stop sounding like I'm incredibly full of myself...is that love with another person is never going to work out unless you trust the love they feel for you. And that trust doesn't come from letting someone pick-you up from the pit of despair and make it their project to love your heart back into shape...it comes from knowing in your very soul that you do deserve love and that someone special out there is going to be lucky enough get the opportunity to own a piece of your heart that you don't hand out to just anyone.
Every day I wake-up and release Kelsey out into the world. And there's a lot about her that is a little left of center (namely, the aforementioned Bieber-fever), but there's also a lot of her that is worth loving. I never want to lose sight of that. I never want to think of myself as some guy's consolation prize, because that's not how this whole love thing is supposed to work.
I want to be somebody's Olympic gold medal. And they can be my Wimbledon trophy.
And we'll live happily ever after. Not because they smell nice or love ice cream as much as I do (though both are excellent qualities), but because they love me in such a way that they make it impossible not to want to spend the rest of my life with them.
Today's thought from one of my favorite quotable people, Oscar Wilde:
"Be yourself. Everybody else is already taken."
Peace, love and a promise to never pretend to be this knowledgeable about love again,